GW Skiing Adventure
by lituska-silvermoon
Summary: Milliardo hopes to have a peaceful honeymoon at a ski resort, however what happens when all the GW pilots AND Relena chose that very same resort? Complete, one of my first fanfics, please be nice ^_~


Title: GW Skiing Adventure  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, nor any of its figures, characters and likenesses etc.. This story was inspired by a story I read at a wrestling site called Black Velvet and Skittles. But it is a laugh.  
  
Note: I love ALL the Gundam pilots and if i offend anybody, sorry in advance. Duo and Trowa are my fav's follwed by Chang Wu Fei, Heero and Quatre (not in any order). As for Relena, hey she is a gutsy character, but I needed a scapegoat .... an advance sorry for Relena fans as well. Having covered all bases, here is how it goes...  
  
Narrator: Saving the world can be a tiring thing sometimes and even superheroes need a holiday sometimes. Can you imagine what would happen if all of the Gundam crew went for a skiing holiday. Picture a quaint mountain ski resort in Switzerland somewhere. Where nobody has any worries and the only to thing that might cause trouble is if the cappuccino machine breaks down. It's also the place where somebody can get some company; if you know what I mean.  
  
However this was not the thought on Milliardo Peacecraft's mind as he got his and Lucrezia Noin's bags out of their vehicle. He was here on his honeymoon, just married his thoughts centered on his new wife and all the fun they would have here.  
  
'What a lovely place,' Noin said happily snuggling herself up against his strong chest. Hey if I were married to him, I wouldn't keep my hands off him either.  
  
'Yes, can you imagine, two weeks of snow, ski and just each other,' he leaned over to kiss her, 'just the two of us, no war, no mobile suits. Especially no Gundam..'  
  
'Hey look who's here,' an optimistic, if not slightly over optimistic, American voice stopped Milliardo in his tracks.  
  
'Please don't tell me that is who I think it is,' Milliardo didn't dare to turn around. He didn't need to as Duo's slender form appeared in front of him.  
  
'Milliardo! What a coincidence we chose the same resort to come to' Duo slapped him on his shoulder.  
  
'What are you doing here?' Milliardo said through gritted teeth.  
  
'You told us we needed to take a holiday and I was in charge of finding a place,' Duo said slinging his long braid over his slender shoulders.  
  
'But why here?' Milliardo brushed of the snow that Duo had enthusiastically scattered on him from his long braid.  
  
Duo had the grace to blush. 'Well I was kindda busy, taking care of Deathscythe and doing homework and I kindda left it till the last minute,' Duo picked up his navy duffel bag, 'but luckily I found the number of this resort hanging around the house and they had the last five singles free. Can you believe our luck'  
  
'No I cant believe it either,' Milliardo had to force himself from wringing Gundam Deathscythe's young pilot's neck.  
  
'Well the last person on the slopes is a rotten egg,' Duo started running towards the resort.  
  
Milliardo's brow furrowed. 'Wait a minute you said us, what do you mean.. US?'  
  
'Well look who's here'  
  
'Not again,' Milliardo put his head in his hands in frustration.  
  
'You guys are here to,' both of them turned around to see Chang Wu Fei, Quatre and Trowa hefting their duffel bags coming up the hill.  
  
'We were suppose to be here for our honeymoon,' Milliardo said for the second time pulling Noin closer.  
  
'Would you like us to go somewhere else,' said Quatre ever the conscientious one.  
  
Wu Fei looked at him as if he had lost his mind. 'Hey you weren't the one driving since dawn and I refuse to drive any further. Besides it's the thick of the ski season, every other place is fully booked until February. The only place we will find accommodation is if we build our own igloo and the last time I looked, igloos do not have running water. It's a big place and I doubt if we run into these two very often.'  
  
'He is right Quatre,' Trowa agreed in his soft tone, 'we will stay out of both your ways.'  
  
'Well come on, I don't trust Duo when it comes to reservations or anything else that requires him to act sane,' Wu Fei heisted a green bag that seemed to be twice his size over his shoulders with alarming ease.  
  
'Thanks guys,' Noin said, stopping her husband from saying anything else.  
  
'I can't believe this,' he said grumbling.  
  
'Look its not that bad, like Trowa said, they will be so busy with their own business that they wont even see us. Besides, I wasn't even planning to come out of our room that often,' Noin grinned slyly.  
  
'You naughty girl,' Milliardo kissed her on top of her head. 'It could have been worse I suppose at least you know who isn't here,' Milliardo said.  
  
'Who?" Noin asked 'You know…'  
  
'Heero!' a female voice echoed throughout the mountain, 'Don't forget the blue bag.'  
  
'Oh no, I must be jinxed,' Milliardo sighed as he saw not only Gundam Wing's pilot coming up the hill, but his younger sister Relena as well.  
  
'Hello big brother,' Relena said looking like a cotton candy puff all dolled up in pink while Heero was dressed in a dark green parka holding two bags.  
  
Milliardo forced a smile. 'Sister what are you doing here?' he asked less than thrilled to see his baby sister at his honeymoon resort.  
  
'Well Heero didn't want to go with the others, but I convinced him that it would be fun,' Relena smiled at him fondly.  
  
Heero ever the emotional one said nothing.  
  
'Lets do lunch,' Relena said bounding off towards the resort with Heero bounding, well, he was keeping up pace.  
  
Milliardo shook his head; he had a very bad feeling about this.  
  
***  
  
The Next Morning.  
  
Milliardo was not in a good mood. This honeymoon was going from bad to worse. Not only had the Gundam pilots got the rooms in the floor above and had waken them up early with all their thumping. At one point he was wondering if there were a herd of elephants upstairs instead of five Gundam pilots. And then now this.  
  
When he went to take his shower he realized that the bottom of his hair, instead of it being platinum blond it was dark black. Someone had given him highlights when he was asleep. Noin had gotten up early to take a call and had left him alone for about an hour and that was when the person struck and he had an idea who it was.  
  
'DUO! You are in some serious trouble,' he muttered to himself as he tried to find him. He did eventually find him sipping cappuccino at the breakfast bar, dressed in an all black ski suit looking especially fine in the morning light, his expression showing he hadn't a care in the world. He tuned to the angry voice calling his name.  
  
'Morning sir,' he said cheekily sipping his coffee.  
  
'Did you to this?" Milliardo demanded showing a lock of his afore mentioned coloured hair.  
  
Duo looked up at him, his indigo blue eyes wide with innocence. 'Me? I am shocked Milliardo that you would even think that. Besides its not that bad, it kinds of adds to your animal magnetism,' Duo turned his attention back to his coffee.  
  
'Yes, if I were a skunk!' his normally composed mask was gradually slipping and once again he was taken by the urge to..  
  
'Sir!' the scream was from a buxom, peroxide blond in a pink polka-dotted blouse who was marching towards him. 'Are you this boy's father?' she asked her massive bosom heaving.  
  
Milliardo shook his head. 'Are you kidding if I was his father, I would have given him up for adoption long ago,' as the words came out of his mouth he knew he had put his foot into it.  
  
Duo's happy expression dropped. 'Thanks for reminding me,' the American said darkly.  
  
'Sorry Duo, I am not the best person for tact,' Milliardo said patting him on his shoulder.  
  
'Ahem,' the woman was tapping her foot on the wood floor making a sharp staccato that echoed throughout the room, 'well regardless sir, we have been receiving complaints of a and I quote, 'tall boy, with violet eyes and a long braid' unquote, hot dogging up and down the slopes taking out guests left and right.  
  
'Perhaps it was another violet eyed boy,' Duo said shrugging his shoulders.  
  
The woman picked up his long braid that was hanging past his waist. 'With a waist long braid, I don't think..' her words stopped at her lips as Duo spun around and took a gun out of his suit and pointed it straight at her.  
  
'Touch the hair again, and I will make sure that your head has some nice holes to go with your dress,' Duo calmly cocked his gun.  
  
'Oh no, the God of Death strikes again,' Milliardo put himself in between them. 'Duo put that away,' he turned to the lady, 'sorry I will make sure he is more careful in the future.'  
  
'You better,' she said rapidly gaining her confidence and walked away, shakily, but away.  
  
'You handled that well,' Duo said draining the last remnants of his coffee.  
  
'Only because I was sorry about what I said earlier,' Milliardo leaned against the bar, 'Now about my hair..'  
  
'Duo! You are in some really serious shit!' it was Trowa's voice, and for Trowa to swear was a miracle. To make him talk was hard enough. Trowa was marching up to where they were; his mouth set in a thin line, his green eyes gleaming. Dressed in an emerald green snowsuit with his long fringe was tinged with snowflakes he was an arresting sight.  
  
'Whassup Trowa?' Duo asked calmly ignoring the murderous look on Gundam Heavyarms pilot's face.  
  
'Well not Quatre thanks to you,' Trowa grimaced ever so slightly.  
  
'What happened to Quatre,' Milliardo asked concerned, although he loathed to admit it he was fond of all of them.  
  
Trowa looked up at him with a surprised expression on his face. 'Milliardo, sorry I didn't recognize you with that hairdo,' Milliardo could feel his blood pressure beginning to rise again, but this was neither the time nor the place.  
  
'Good old Shinigami here, decided to do a swan dive with his snowboard of the top of the ski lift and landed right on top of Quatre.'  
  
'Oh he's tough, he's a Gundam pilot, he'll be fine' Duo said carelessly.  
  
Trowa's eyes widened. 'He is not fine Duo, after that he walked around asking random people if they were his mother!'  
  
'He always had a few screws lose..' As if on cue, the blond haired blue eyed Gundam Sandrock's pilot's, who had a vacant expression on his face, sidled up and latched himself onto Milliardo's arm.  
  
'Are you my mother?' he asked with an adorable look on his face, that would have melted the stoniest of hearts.  
  
Unfortunately Milliardo's heart was especially stony at this moment, since there were a number of people staring at their little group.  
  
'Hey you know with both your guys colouring, you could be related,' Duo said, tilting his head to the side evaluating the both of them.  
  
'I think he has brain damage Duo, he is really going to be ticked off when he gets his senses back,' Trowa frowned. 'And how many times do I need to tell you, if you twist left instead of right when you do your somersault you wouldn't land as hard, or as awkwardly as you do…'  
  
'Thanks for the advice clown boy,' Duo said calmly, which seem to infuriate Trowa even more.  
  
'How many times have I told you NOT to call me that,' Trowa turned his attention to Milliardo. 'Since he seems to be quite, err, taken with you, will you take care of him while I go and get medical help at the bottom of the slopes. Thanks sir,' without even waiting for a reply, Trowa grabbed his skis and turned to leave.  
  
'Trowa…! But, but..' Milliardo's pleas fell on deaf ears as lightning quick Trowa was already out of the door.  
  
'Well I'll leave you and limpet boy alone. There are slopes out there I have yet to conquer,' he grabbed his snowboard and he to was gone, leaving Milliardo alone with Quatre, who was beginning to cut off the circulation to his left arm.  
  
'Mummy,' Quatre asked his blue eyes wide with innocence.  
  
Although Milliardo wasn't thrilled at this title, he reasoned that he had to humour him. 'What Quatre?' he asked stroking the boys fine blond hair.  
  
'I thought you really had better taste in hair colours than this. You could learn a thing or two from Aunt Trowa…' Milliardo's anguished scream reverberated through the whole resort.  
  
*  
  
'Right so how does this go again?' Relena held up a pole and slipped, right into Heero's arms. 'Sorry about that,' she said, her voice showing no remorse.  
  
'Its nothing, just bend your legs to get balance,' Heero's hypnotic monotone instructed her, but she still slipped.  
  
'Could you help me until I do,' Relena asked softly.  
  
'Sure,' Heero was rarely like this with anyone, except her.  
  
'Arrghhh…!! Will you two get a room!!!' this anguished scream was Wu Fei's who, in his mind, had to put up with this crap for the last hour. They were still on the bunny slopes and he was itching to challenge Duo to race on the Double Black Diamond. He had passed them by and made a wisecrack about his abilities which always got his blood boiling. To make things worse, he had to sit here and take care of….. gasp….. a woman!!!  
  
Although Heero was happy doing this, the only reason why he was doing it was because Milliardo had told him, that if he left his only, baby sister with what he called 'the suicidal maniac' of the pilots, he would take Tallgeese's laser cannon and shove it up his … well it was easier to go along than argue with the man formerly called Zechs.  
  
'Hey keep it down, we are trying to concentrate here. She cant help it Wu Fei, she is just … in your words … a woman,' Heero tried to mildly pacify his comrade.  
  
But Wu Fei would have none of it and stormed off.  
  
'So what's this thing called again? Relena held up her pole.  
  
That was it, that was the last straw, Tallgeese or no Tallgeese, he was getting out of here before he lost his mind. Or killed both of them, either or.  
  
'Wu Fei, where are you going,' Heero let go of Relena to turn and stop his fellow pilot from leaving.  
  
'Err, Heero I am slipping,' Relena said panicking. She was slowly beginning to slide down the hill. Backwards.  
  
But Heero didn't see that, all the saw was a black blur come of the ridge that was behind them and land squarely on Wu Fei burying in the snow until all Heero could see was the hint of Wu Fei's red ski suit.  
  
'What the f..?' But as the black blur stood up and brushed the snow of himself, it all became clear. 'Duo! And they call me a maniac, do you have any idea what you just did?' Heero said picking up Wu Fei's lifeless form.  
  
Duo on his part looked completely oblivious to the fact that he had just knocked out the most temperamental of all the Gundam pilots who was going to be very pissed when he woke up. Well if he ever did of course.  
  
'HHHHHEEEEEEEERRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! A voice of a very panicky Relena echoed through the mountain and made Duo cover his ears and Heero flinch.  
  
'Erm isn't that your girlfriend screaming for you, lover boy,' Duo said teasingly.  
  
That made Heero see red. 'For one, she is NOT my girlfriend braid boy and two, well,' Heero looked down at the unconscious Wu Fei in his arms. He was contemplating either going down to rescue the beautiful blond girl and holding her in his arms, or not getting Wu Fei to medical help immediately and having no arms in the near future. Being a true soldier assessing the situation, he decided on the latter and began making his way down the hill.  
  
'HHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! The screams were getting longer but not any fainter. Heero stopped for a moment wondering if there was anyway that her screaming would cause an avalanche. He shook his head, nah, that wasn't possible according to the laws of physics. Was it?  
  
Duo was obviously thinking along the same lines as he picked up his snowboard and made motions to leave. 'Well whatever you do, I am going to go up again to have another run before your main squeeze brings the whole mountain down on us, see ya,' his slim body leaned back to gain balance as he started to gain speed down the hill.  
  
'For the last time you moron, SHE IS NOT MY…'  
  
'Oh yeah then why were you saying her name in your sleep last night…' his voiced faded away as a nearby couple looked at him strangely.  
  
'What are you looking at?' the extraordinarily handsome Gundam pilot scowled at them. And he thought he was going to have a normal holiday for once, what else could go wrong.  
  
*  
  
'Lady Une, I am so glad you persuaded me to come on this holiday,' Treize Khushrenada stretched his aristocratic body, clad in a dark navy and gold stretch suit, to get the kinks out of his muscles. And this motion allowed Lady Une an uninterrupted look.  
  
'I am so glad you are pleased sir,' she said, it had taken quite some persuading to get Treize out here, slumming as he called it.  
  
There was just one problem. Treize was an excellent skier, just like he was at everything else. She had never actually been out of St Edwards and although she was good, she was good for a beginner. She could deal with the other slopes, but this was the TRIPLE black diamond. Award winning skiers had barely walked away from this slope. She swore, if she squinted she could see Colony 34 from here and that if she waved, they would wave back.  
  
But of course Treize loved a challenge. He loved anything at which he could prove his superiority. For him that was the ultimate aphrodisiac. For her on the other hand, just looking at him was turn on. Hence why she was up here, in breakneck country. But even Lady Une had her limits.  
  
'Errr, sir, as much as I loathe to admit this to you, I would just like to say…'  
  
'Yes, I know Lady, this seems daunting but I have confidence in you,' he patted her on her shoulder.  
  
He however patted her a little to hard, because she felt her skies starting to move under her. A panicked look overcame her as she desperately scrambled for her poles, and failing, miserably.  
  
'Oops,' Treize said absently admiring the view. He actually knew about her lack of skiing experience, but his principle was what wouldn't kill you would make you stronger.  
  
Lady Une was trying to assess her condition calmly, and failing, once again, terribly. She was just about to try to stop herself by leaning backwards, but that only seem to make her go faster. She was on the verge of asking for help when she felt herself hit in the back with force.  
  
'Ooofff,' she grunted unladylikely as she fell face first into the powdery snow. As she looked up, all she could see through the snow on her face was a black blur doing a perfect 450 degree flip and continuing on his way, a brown braid streaming behind him.  
  
'Jackass,' she grumbled to herself. But her brow furrowed, why did that blur with a braid look so familiar? However that got pushed to the back of her mind as Treize skied up towards her before gracefully coming to a stop inches from her face.  
  
'Sorry sir,' Lady Une frantically tried to get up, but Treize was looking at her in a funny way.  
  
'Has anyone ever told you how lovely you look in white,' he said finally.  
  
*  
  
Going down the hill, with a still unconscious Wu Fei in his arms, Heero met Trowa coming up.  
  
Trowa looked at both of them quizzically. 'What happened to him?' he asked brushing his hair out of his eyes. But as his emerald green eyes met his Prussian blue eyes they both knew the answer.  
  
'Duo,' they both said simultaneously.  
  
Trowa sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 'I guess I should go and tell the emergency room to expect another customer. Boy are Wu Fei and Quatre going to be pissed off when they finally come to their senses.'  
  
'If they ever do, we cant pilot all the Gundams between the three of us,' Heero, ever the perfect soldier with his mind on his work.  
  
'Well, besides that I better get going,' he started to ski away when he suddenly stopped as if he remembered something. 'Where's Relena?' he asked.  
  
'Somewhere,' Heero said vaguely.  
  
'Well if you run into Milliardo, whatever you do by the way don't mention his…..' but Trowa was already gone.  
  
'What?' Heero shouted but there was no reply. He shrugged his shoulders it was probably nothing.  
  
*  
  
'Quatre, I will not buy you a lollipop,' Milliardo said exasperated 'that is a cigarette machine.'  
  
'But why I have been good,' he whined getting closer to Milliardo than he was comfortable with.  
  
'What is going on here?' Noin looked at her new husband with a bemused expression on her face.  
  
'This is not what it seems Noin' Milliardo tripped over to explain.  
  
'Don't bother, I can actually guess what happened,' she smiled, 'I always wanted children and I always thought that Quatre was the best of all the pilots in personality, but still this is to soon.'  
  
Quatre smiled at her heartbreakingly, 'Daddy?'  
  
Noin laughed, 'does that mean I wear the pants in this marriage Milliardo.'  
  
'Not funny,' Milliardo said through gritted teeth, 'here you look after him while I go find the three stooges, if Duo hasn't taken them out as well.'  
  
'Ok, ok' she tilted her head, 'what happened to your hair?'  
  
He sighed violently. If he did ever catch the culprit… 'I'll tell you later Noin,' he said grabbing his ski's,  
  
because if he told her now, he would either cry or start screaming.  
  
*  
  
Relena was not happy. Not only was her brand new yellow ski suit ruined, her hair was all mussed up as well. To top all of that off, Heero was missing, the very reason why she came out here. She was so upset, she couldn't see straight and collided straight into her big brother.  
  
'Relena?'  
  
'Millliardo?' Relena forgot her own troubles for a moment as she saw her brother, 'what happened to your hair?'  
  
Millairdo felt if he was going to explode if one more person asked him about his hair. 'Never mind about that. Where's Heero and Wu Fei?' Milliardo asked.  
  
Relena grimaced. 'Off somewhere together,' she grumbled.  
  
He raised his eyebrow.  
  
'No not like that,' she hurriedly explained, 'you see Duo..'  
  
'Duo, that kid is going to get us all killed sooner or later.'  
  
'Hey what are you to doing out here jabbering in the cold for?' it was Heero still holding and unconscious Wu Fei in his arms. Was this guy strong or what?  
  
'What happened to him? Don't even bother to answer I can guess,' Milliardo was thinking he was slowly beginning to lose his mind.  
  
'What about me?' Relena asked exasperated.  
  
Heero looked at her blankly. 'You look fine to me, you always do' he shrugged, making Relena blush.  
  
'Look I have got to get him inside, Trowa's bringing up medical help soon. And Milliardo,' he said glancing at him 'nice hair man.'  
  
Milliardo was about to scream again when he heard a familiar voice.  
  
'Well look whose here,' Treize looked upon his old foe.  
  
Millardo was just thinking how tired he was getting of that phrase as they stood face to face.  
  
'Don't tell me, you're on holiday here as well.'  
  
'How did you know?' Treize replied looking at his perfect manicure.  
  
'I'm psychic. Look it seems that everybody and their family is here as well. But I am not here to pick a fight.'  
  
Treize raised an eyebrow, 'Neither am I so lets just leave it at that,' he looked at him quizzically, 'by the way what's with..'  
  
'Err have you seen Duo around?' Millardo asked before Treize could say another word  
  
'Duo?'  
  
'American boy, indigo eyes, long braid.'  
  
'Oh him, last time I saw him he was….' Treize cocked his head to the side; 'Do you hear something.'  
  
Milliardo turned his head towards the mountains. 'Yeah, it sounds like an…. avalanche.' They both looked  
  
at each other their faces mirroring each other's horror.  
  
'SHIT!' they both swore at the same time.  
  
*  
  
'This is not good,' Heero said to Noin looking out the window.  
  
'What?' Noin said cradling Quatre in her arms feeling quite maternal and making a note in her mind to talk to Milliardo about starting a family soon.  
  
'That big snowball coming down the hill gaining speed,' Heero said calmly.  
  
'What?!' Noin said getting up to join Heero at the window, dropping Quatre to the floor in her haste.  
  
'We're screwed,' Heero said calmly, 'unless someone gets out there and shoots that snowball to bits, but who would be insane enough to do that.'  
  
Suddenly a black blur with a long braid flying behind him shot out from the side and started chasing the snowball, rapidly catching up with it.  
  
'Well ask and you shall receive,' Heero allowed himself a rare smile, 'and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.'  
  
*  
  
'What is he doing,' Treize looked at Duo trying to catch up with what they originally thought was an avalanche.  
  
'He is trying to stop it, that is exactly the kind of madman he is,' Milliardo was at the same time proud and exasperated.  
  
Just at that time, Trowa skied up to them. 'Is Duo doing what I think he's doing?' he asked calmly.  
  
'He better be or were all be buried.' Milliardo said, 'and that would just be the ending I need to top off this holiday.'  
  
But they need not have worried as Duo caught up with the snowball and with one shot managed to shatter the object to pieces covering them in a shower of snow.  
  
'Well pretty boy did it, I guess we should be grateful,' Treize said brushing the snow of his shoulders.  
  
But at that moment, as Duo was taking his bows, showing off for all the girls who were screaming for him, he didn't notice the jagged rock sticking out right in front of him. The edge of his board clipped on it and threw him head first into the low wall. He landed with a sickening thud and lay there in a crumpled heap.  
  
Trowa, Treize and Milliardo just stood there not really believing what they had just seen.  
  
Trowa was the first to speak. 'I guess that means back to the medical center for me to tell them to set up another bed,' he sighed.  
  
***  
  
Later that day.  
  
Three beds stood there side by side. In one of them was Quatre, looking up at the ceiling with a blank look on his face. Next to him was Wu Fei who was still unconscious and in the last bed lay Duo who was playing with the end of his braid like a small child.  
  
Noin popped her head around the corner. 'Are you guys alright?' She asked concerned.  
  
Duo looked up her with a silly grin on his face, well sillier than usual. 'Mommy!' he said happily.  
  
Quatre sat up as well. 'Daddy,' he said just as happily.  
  
Noin looked at them fondly.  
  
'Don't even think about it Noin,' Milliardo looked at her warily.  
  
'Darling…' she said pleadingly, 'we always wanted a family..'  
  
'Look Noin, if Duo was my son you will find yourself a widow at 28. I am going back to the resort until you come to your sense,' he turned to leave. But as he was about to leave, a nurse ran up to him.  
  
'Sir you have to come with me,' she said, immediately he was anxious.  
  
'What, what happened?' he said wondering what else could have gone wrong.  
  
'You have a severe case of hair fungus, if you don't get it treated you could be in serious trouble.'  
  
Milliardo exploded finally. 'ITS …….NOT ……… HAIR FUNGUS………!!!!!  
  
~Owari~ 


End file.
